Quick! You've only got ONE month to prove the census wrong!

I mean, one month til singles awareness week. No, not that one. This one.

So, Vegas, get ready for the onslaught of crazy people getting married in preparation for the week, so they too can look down their noses at the singles taking over soceity!

::This was a PSA brought to you by me out of sarcasm and probably some bitterness::

::I mean, why the crap do we need singles week? We don't have married people's week. We don't have committed relationships week. We don't even have freaking "Child's Day" (to pair with Mother's and Father's and Grandparent's and Administrative Assistants'). It's like there's a week for everything.::

::In fact, we could just have "Let's celebrate the seven day week" week. That would be so much cooler than "Let's rub it into singles' faces that they're not in relationship" week::

::Which makes me think of people going into singles week a single and coming out a married. If you think of the week as a tunnel, it's almost funny. Like the enlarging machine skit. Ok, done.::

National Stop on Red Week - So we can't just have an annual "obey the law" year?

Ants and Time

So I was lying on a lounge chair in by the pool (backwards.  I don’t know how people can pronate with their torsos bent at such an angle.  I bend my knees up anyway, so it makes sense to lie with my head at the foot if I’m not reclining.)  and reading about the various constructs of time on the path to having a universally agreed upon time (Like, that the minutes on every clock on earth (excepting part of India, I think) are always the same) out of my pretty new kern book with my pencil resting in the crack between pages when a bug flies onto my page.  Upon closer inspection, it is an ant.  With wings.

Now, to put this in context, last Thursday, Walter Tschinkel, a myrmecologist (ant guy), was on the show.  And I kind of wrote a lot of the script.  Ants are on my mind.  So this ant was sitting there, and it started writhing.  I was like, gracious, maybe its wings got caught under my pencil, and I picked it up.  Sure enough, there were two wings lying there.  As I watched, the queen gnawed off her other two wings and set off on a curvaceous path around my page before abandoning it for the patio.  

I know she will die.  Regardless of what kind of ant she is, there are no crevices in our newly finished and massive patio.  I don’t know if she can make it the ten meters to the fence, and further to the dirt to lay her eggs.  

But she was so tiny.  I looked around and saw about twenty other ants doing the same thing.  It must be some wild and crazy breeding day.  Unless these ants are so different from fire ants that this was some completely different process that I don’t even understand.  Nevertheless, it was really amazing to get a glimpse of nature happening – not on the Discovery channel, not in a textbook, but on my extracurricular reading by the pool.

Procrastination Blog #1

mercilessly stolen from a friend and used to put off laundry


1. What are your siblings middle names? Siblings? Eh?
2. Where is your dad right now? probably at school
3. What was the last thing you said? I talk a lot to myself. I think it might have been something about how I need to load the dishwasher before I do laundry before I go to the pool.
4. What is something you've learned about yourself recently? I can totally go out and not hit back.
5. What color is your watch? However we feel like describing my piece of crap cell phone (new one Saturday!!!)
6. What do you think of when you think of Australia? Rabbits, and the Tasmanian Devil, and Joel, and that picture we drew of Australia with rabbits and the Tasmanian devil and the Sydney opera house and the crocodile hunter. And Joel.
7. When was the last time you squatted to pee? In the woods last summer at camp.
8. Who is the last person you liked? as in a new person? The guy at the art store.
9. Are you close to your mom? As in covalently bonded?
10. Where does your best friend work? UITS. But totally going places.
11. What is your least attractive feature? My toes are irritating, and I’ve been taking issue with my chin lately.
12. How old were you when you started wearing a bra? 11 and I refused to say the word “bra” until I was like 13.
13. What color are your pants? short
14. Do you have a roommate? Man-eating plant, Martin, my computer.
15. What color is your bedroom flooring? Crazy offwhite. But sometimes psychedelic green. Depends on how motivated I am to put stuff back down after vacuuming.
16. Do you have a chair in your room? Yes. 5. 6 if you count the couch.
17. What time were you born? 8:36 pm…pretty sure.
18. Do you know anyone who is engaged? God, and will they stop already?
19. What's your favorite number? 10:23
20. Do you know anyone named Laurie? No. But that guy in that book (and musical), definitely.
21. What color is your mom's hair? platinum
22. Do you have a dog? At home, Roy.
23. Where did you live in 1987? Bloomington
24. What happened to you in 1993? I moved back from Hong Kong. Had lots of no friends.
25. Does your first memory involve your dad? No.
26. Do you remember singing any songs as kids? That eternal light one. The pop one?
27. When was the last time you went swimming? Last night
28. Has your luggage ever gotten lost? Maybe? But I don’t think so…
29. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? What are these sibling things?
30. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Waycross, girl scout camp, Y camp, Harmony school day camp…
31. Do you play an instrument? I sing. I play a bit of piano and a bit of guitar and a riff of bass.
32. Have you ever thought it would be cool to smash a guitar? No. I’m not a breaker of stuff.
33. Do you like fire? Yes. Well, when it’s contained and controlled and responsibly monitored.
34. Where is your best friend from? CT
35. Are you allergic to anything? Some drug. Most stuff in air
36. When was the last time you cried? 2 weeks ago. But almost cry EVERY FREAKING TIME the World Trade Center preview is on tv. Seriously.
37. What kind of shampoo do you use? Fructis or Dove.
38. Have you ever been to a spa? Once
40. Did you take science all four years of high school? And then some (like 7 years of science total)
41. Do you like butterflies? mmhmm
42. What is the last book you read? Ugh. I’ve read PARTS of lots of books…
43. Do you like Coke or Pepsi more? Coke Zero is my favorite thing ever.
44. What is one thing you miss about your past? Spending absurd amounts of time in company of thers.
45. Did you ever see the school nurse? Yes.
46. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? Yeah. When I grow up, I want to be an academic. But I have a lot more growing to do.
48. Are you jealous of anyone? Yes.
49. Is anyone jealous of you? Maybe.
50. When was the last time you were in an elevator? Yesterday

The Agony of Defeat - Flash Fiction #47

“Here,” she said, handing him the last soda.  He had smiled at her with such glowing honesty she couldn’t help but flirt.  She had been guarding that bottle, waiting until her glass was empty to make her move, but then he came along.  

She watched his able hands wrench the safety seal as he unscrewed the top.  She heard the hiss of the carbon dioxide escaping from the bottle, and smelled the sickly sweet soda.  As he brought the bottle to his lips, the feeling of fizz on her tongue was real.  This was not going to work.  

“I’ll be back,” she said, with a curt whip of her ponytail.  Keys, coins, and she was down the stairs to the vending machine.  

It was always a gamble, this machine.  It had just been replaced, the old one literally in tatters.  It had been weeks before it finally was stocked, and her eyes lit up with glee when she saw that the tiny green display did not read “Sold Out.”  

Quarter.  Quarter.  Dime. Dime. Dime. Quarter. Dime. Dime.  Each fell into the pristine machine with an appreciable metallic clink.  The display read her score: $1.25.  Soda price.  Exact change.  

Her eyes scoured the buttons.  So many options, all with the promise of chilling effervescence.  But to which should she commit?  Her mind briefly flitted back to the boy in her apartment.  Her roommate’s party had depleted her stash.

In haste, she pressed the cola button.  The display spelled out “Vending.”  This is what the machine was for, she thought, remembering several previous carbonation urges when it had left her completely unsatisfied.  “Vending” it flashed again.  There was a muted clunk, almost not loud enough to be a bottle falling into the box.  She looked down.  Nothing.  The display flashed “Sold out.”  Her coins reappeared with unremarkable clamor.

Fine, she thought, and reloaded.  This time, a diet.  “Vending” clunk “Sold out.” And an orange.  “Vending” clunk “Sold out.”  When she had tried them all, she walked away from the machine.  It no longer read “Cold Drinks” but the disappointing green sign read “Sold out.”

She returned.  Her last soda was nearly drained, and his other hand was otherwise occupied.  She should have known.  Slinking into her room, she slammed the door, hurt and discouraged.  

But then, her eyes glimmered as they settled on an item on her desk.  Crack. Hiss. Pay dirt.

Maryland Politics:

Oh, so I haven't updated in forever. I'm interning at the Kojo Nnamdi Show and I keep forgetting my sources for politics. So I'm putting my links here.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/politics/

Or link. But it's not obvious, I swear. It takes like 4 clicks to find it. And I have to remember that it's the Baltimore Sun and not something else.